Yesterday’s Therapy and Knowing My Path

At this point, it is no secret that I see a therapist. I have shared this before and I am not ashamed. I started seeing her at the end of last year to help me with some personal characteristics, my anxiety and anger as well as help me through some difficult times. Although things are going much better in my life I still try to see her weekly, to help with my anxiety and help keep me focused on how to get more out of my life. Yesterday was an exceptional day.

Lately things have been going really well in my life, but occasionally things come up that are hard to not focus on and anxiety can skyrocket. There was something I had had on my mind lately I was not too sure how to approach it. in my mind, it was a big deal and a huge hurdle. I was not too sure how to get past it and I needed help. My therapist didn’t even bat an eye. She helped me see this from a different point of view and took all of the “urgency” out of the problem. In reality, it was not a problem at all, and just something I had built up in my head. It is so refreshing to be able to speak to someone who helps me through this and teaches me how to view things in life differently. it truly is a game changer.

After my therapist and myself had talked about my life, marriage, work, and kids, the session was pretty much over. However, we went a little long, as we got caught up in conversation. She asked me about school and how it was going and I shared how exciting I was finding it. I have been doing really well in both of my classes and have been finding the content interesting. The hard part of doing my classes online, is that I do not get to engage in conversation as often with people about the content, but with her I could! We talked a few of the topics I had enjoyed and I was just finding it so interesting, especially when she shared info about her experiences working with people in such situations.  Through this conversation, I felt more at ease with my decision to go back to school and go after this different career. I not only enjoyed my conversation, I loved it. I loved the topic and hearing her discuss how she has worked with people. I wish I had done this earlier in life… but its never too late to go after what you want!

What value do you get out of therapy? I would love to hear some stories from others and what value you see, so if you would like, please share below!

Please subscribe to my blog and follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Taking My Daughter to School

This post will not be long, but it is something I wanted to share/brag about:

Today I dropped my daughter off at school. it was not big, there was no special occasion. But because of the hours of her school and the time I go to work, my wife usually just drops her off. However today I needed to drop her off, and for whatever reason it was fun. She was excited to she me her classroom and have me drop her off. She didnt cry, but she was sure to give me a hug, kiss and high five (her trifecta of good-byes) before I left. I even snuck in a little “I Love you” in sign language which she happily returned.

My kids are amazing, and for such a “small” thing to do, it brought me a lot of joy and happiness. Sometimes you have to really enjoy the small things in life to truly enjoy life as a whole.

School is Underway and My Schedule is Crazy!

I am finishing up my 2nd week of school and I have to say, life has gotten CRAZY! The first week of school, I was only attending one class (and by attending it is all online). This was a good entry for me as I was working on getting all of my classwork done while I also kept up with my job, and also making time for my kids at home. For this first week, I was not able to attend the gym as I still was not too sure how to balance my life.

This week, I unfortunately received an email from my second professor that my other class, Abnormal Psychology, had already started and I missed my first assignment. How could this be? I have been logging in weekly to check for updates as well as monitoring my email and I saw nothing… oh well. I was not dropped and I missed my first assignment (which was an introduction of myself) and missed out on 10 points. I should have been better about checking or perhaps sent out a n email to inquire when the class actually began. I have already started the homework for this week, and I was not dropped, so I should be fine. This was in line with the rest of my week however, as it was just crazy and hectic.

Wanting to start getting a better routine and schedule together, I opted to start going back to the gym this week as well, as I needed an outlet for stress release. This means either my mornings or late evenings are spent at the gym, the core of my day is at the office, and then at night I come home to spend time with my kids, put them to bed and then either do homework or go to the gym (if I had not gone in the morning). This doesn’t include time for me to go to therapy, chiropractor, or time for leisurely activities such as reading or watching some TV to relax, or time to deal with personal issues. As class picks up, I am sure I will have some weeks where I am overloaded and extremely busy and my anxiety soars through the roof. However, I am determined to get myself into a better routine and it will make it all easier. I just have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this 🙂 !

What are some of your methods when you dont feel you have time to breathe? Share your tips and tricks below, or let me know how crazy your schedule is!

Please subscribe to my blog and follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Behind Every Man: Finding My Motivation and Drive to Make This Career Change

We have all probably heard the saying before that “Behind every great man, is a great woman.” This saying essentially says that every man is held up by a woman in his life, whether it is his mom, girlfriend or wife. While I do not think it is entirely accurate, in my situation I cannot help but to feel this is correct.

For the last 11+ years, I have been working in Tech/Business. My very first job was an entry level contract position at Google and I have been working my way up the corporate ladder (at various companies) since then. I started at Google right out of college and found it to be very exciting while I was there. However, even during this time, there was a part of me that was not happy. Not satisfied. I found an email I had written to my Dad a month or so after I left Google expressing my unhappiness in the corporate world. At the time I looked into going back to school as well as joining the Fire Academy. However I have outstanding injuries from my career as a collegiate swimmer and figured I would not pass a physical. I also discussed this with my then fiance (now wife) and she was very understanding and at the time encouraged me to do something I enjoyed. I looked into some options at the time, but as I have discussed in other blog posts, I felt stuck. I was engaged to be married to the woman of my dreams and all I wanted in life was to make her happy, support her and give her everything I felt she deserved. At this time, I decided the best option for me was to stick it out in the corporate world, find a job I enjoyed and make my money.

For years I bounced around between jobs, focusing on what parts I enjoyed, and trying to “fix” the areas that made me unhappy, After 11 years of this, I have found that overall, this line of work just isn’t for me. I had to find my passion. This is where the title of this blog post comes in. For me, my motivation and my change came from my wife.

A few years ago, my wife started a side business making hair accessories for kids. it started out slow, but as it grew I could see her excitement with it. Over time we discusses what she wanted out of this and what she wanted to do. At the time, she told me her goal was to build the company up enough that she no longer had to work her day to day job, could potentially get enough people to help run the company, that she could spend more time at home with the kids. As her business grew, I enjoyed very much helping her, build the business and achieve her dreams. I worked harder to find a better job for myself so that I could help support her and to help her quit her day to day and go with this full time. Near the end of 2015, we realized how closer we were. But we also needed more space. My wife’s business was taking up a good portion of our house, and with our growing family we needed more space. I was thinking about leaving my job then to do what I am doing now, but we needed the money to buy a bigger house and to help her expand. Last year we not only were able to buy a new house, but my wife was able to quit her job and do her side business full time! The drive and motivation she has shown over the last few years to get something she wanted, gave me the motivation to escape my unhappiness in the corporate world, and to do what I needed to find that occupational pleasure I was missing (which was ultimately spreading negativity to the rest of my life).

I have discussed this at length with my wife as well, and have her full support in going back to school and that we will be able to make it work. And while there are some other unforeseen circumstances that have come into this, and she has been on the fence for some time whether or not she made the right decision, I feel that had she not made this move, she may have always regretted.  I cannot thank her enough for her support and her leading by example.

Everyone finds motivation in different places in their life. Some have a friend or family member. Others loo up to those trailblazers and leaders of their field of interest. Where do you find your motivation? What is your inspiration. Feel free to share your thoughts and comments below!

Please feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

The Art of Self-Discipline

As I have now mentioned numerous time (and will likely mention again… that is what I do), I do not enjoy writing. One of those reasons is that I have a hard time of coming up with things to write about. Because of this, I started to keep a task list of different blog titles and what to write about. Today’s blog post, for the last month was actually geared to be written as part of the “Self-Improvement series” articles I have written in the past (and will write about again in the future).

I wanted to write about Self-Discipline, my struggles with this and what I am doing to work on it. However, a couple weeks ago, I was speaking with my therapist about this and she helped me really see this differently. For as long as I can remember, I have always felt that I have struggled with self-discipline (as I am sure many of you have as well). I feel that far too often I start something and never finish. In all honesty, I am surprised I am still writing blog posts!! Far too often I will do things such as starting a new gym routine, or eating healthier or reading more books…. and then after a week, a month or maybe a year, I slip up and find myself back exactly where I started.

Now in reality, this is something I still need to work on, so it does fit in line with my self-improvement process. However, I have come to learn I am not as big a failure at this as I originally thought. As it turns out, this is common. Extremely common. The problem is not that I lack self-discipline. In reality, the fact I am attempting these things shows the drive and determination needed to have self-discipline. My problem is that I am attempting to do something, that I do not generally like, alone. If I was extremely happy and loved what I was doing, the motivation to do this would be easier. I love going to the gym for example, however after a period of time, the routine gets boring and I no longer enjoy it and I find it harder to go. Eating healthy is easy at first because I feel better and see results, however I am such a picky eater I end up craving some sweets, and before I know it, I have consumed 4 Cinnabon’s in 3 days.

In speaking with my therapist, the secret I have discovered to this, is that failure rate when going about these things alone, is much higher than when you do these things with others. I.e. if you are having trouble going to the gym, get a gym partner? Not eating well? Get a friend to eat well with you. Do not enjoy writing or journaling? Come up with a good topic about something you are passionate about and start a blog. A blog that others are reading and keep you accountable for continuing to write. For me, I feel as if I am letting my readers (the handful of you who keep coming back) down.

So the truth is, I do not necessarily lack self-discipline. I lack the support to do a lot of what is needed of me. For years I have been unhappy with my job and my motivation to stay has always been to support my family. But that in itself has caused problems. My wife has always supported me going back to school, but that is now just becoming a reality. And with her support, and the support of the rest of my family, and my drive to help others and be happy, is all the self-discipline I need to better my life.

Do you struggle with Self-Discipline? What are some of your secrets to staying on track? Please share your secrets below, or any other comments you may have!

Please also feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Guilt, Regret and Re-Framing Your Mind

Guilt and regret are dangerous. They are a disease that manifests in your brain and brings you down. Through life, everyone does and says things that they ultimately regret or feel guilty about. Some things are bad (perhaps killing someone). Others are not as bad (calling someone a name). However, regardless of what it is, if you are unable to get over the guilt and regret, you will have a very hard time moving forward.

As I mentioned, most everyone has done something in their life that they regret or feel guilty about. I unfortunately have a short list of those items. But as time goes on, and I regret decisions I have made, I feel more and more guilty and that weighs on me and brings me down. It affects my well being, and my attitude towards life. How I treat others are affected by this as well.

For the last 11+ years, I have worked in the world of Business and Technology. And as I stated before, there were many aspects of this I have thoroughly enjoyed. Yet, there is something else missing. When I was growing up, I always felt encouraged that going into business was the smart/safe move and that is what I was focused on. Nothing else mattered. When I got into college, despite enjoying classes on Psychology more than business, I pursued this route. I was driven by success and money and figured that was the only way to be happy. I had a girl that made me happy (who I would eventually marry), and all I ever wanted was a safe/secure job that would allow me to provide for her and my family one day. What I didn’t count on, is that it wasn’t the money that made me happy. Helping others made me happy. My family makes me happy. If I am unhappy, how can I be the best father and husband I can be? The short answer to that is: I can’t.

After my first job ended, I almost went back to school. But I was engaged and wanted to provide for my future bride. I figured I would find the right job that would meet most of my needs. I didn’t. I left to find another job. I failed there too. Without realizing it, I was falling into a hole of negativity. I was living with this regret for not choosing the right major in college and the right career path. I felt guilty that I was not being fair to those I loved. They all deserved more. I wouldn’t say I was unbearable to be around, but I wasn’t pleasant either.

Last year was a cray year filled with stress. We sold out house, moved in with my in-laws, bought a house, I changed jobs at work, my wife quit her job to attend to her start-up full time, and everything changed. I started to recognize my unhappiness at work as I changed roles. I was trying to fill a void by going about it the same way I always did. According to Albert Einstein, that is the definition of Insanity: “Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” Near the end of the year, I started to seek out counseling. I was unhappy with my decisions. My regret was causing guilt and I was taking it out on those around me. I saw how I was treating my in laws, my friends, my children and my wife. I was pushing people away. I was not being fair.

When speaking to my therapist, we have discussed many topics, including my career. I told her I felt stuck and that it was too late. She assured me it was not too late and that I could make things right. For me, making it right was doing something that would fulfill me away from my family. I can make a good living, provide for my family and spend time with them, while doing something I can enjoy.

I am slowly starting my process. I am working hard at my job. I am planning to go back to school. And by the time I am 40 (I am in my early 30’s), I hope to be on a brand new career path.

Sometimes happiness is right under your nose.

Have a great day!

Please feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Welcome

Hello, and welcome to my blog!

As I am sure you have learned from reading my About Me page, I am capturing my journey as I explore going back to school and completely changing my career. At the time I am writing this, my About Me page is very short and to the point, and perhaps in time I will update it. However as it stands currently, my bio is fairly short and I do not go into much detail… so I guess I owe you an explanation.

I am 33 years old and I am a married father of 2. I graduated from a top 10 university in 2006 and have been working in the tech/business world ever since. My first job was with one of the tech/Search giants and the job sort of fell right into my lap. At the time, all I thought I wanted to do was go into business. My Dad worked in business, and I knew it was a safe route, and one I could make money. I have this romanticized idea of working for a start-up and making good money and just enjoying creating and making great things. The only problem with all of it is, in reality, I hate it. Well, hate is a strong word… but I dislike this [business] world.

Since I started in business, there were always part of me that enjoyed what I was doing and parts of me that despised what I was doing. Learning, creating, and working with analytical minded people, much like myself, has always been enjoyable. And these tech/business jobs always provide safety and security that allow you a lot of freedoms  to build a life. The downside to these jobs, is often times you cannot “get behind” the work you are doing. Sure a lot of this is cutting edge technology, but I look around at my day-to-day and I do not feel I am making an impact on anyone else.

After I left my initial job (I was on a 1 year contract), I work as a contractor for awhile before filing for unemployment in 2008 during our recession (just after I got married). From there, over the span of 5 years, I worked for a couple different start-ups before landing my current job (another large company, doing great things in their industry). Every time I started a new job I would be excited and have a lot of energy and think “this is it. The job that will make me happy, and the job that I can make my money with.” The problem was, after a couple years, I would get burnt out and find the job boring and tedious. I would then go in search of a new job, one that had everything from the previous job I liked, but fixed one of the “issues” I had with working there. Even at my current company, I changed roles after 2.5 years as the current role was wearing on me.

Within the last year, I have also been fighting some personal battles as well, one of which being that I felt a lot of my unhappiness was affecting those around me: my wife, kids, parents, in-laws, friends, etc. I was stressed and I was not happy and I was taking it out on everyone else. Coupled with some other personal stuff, I set-out to talk to a therapist. Seeing this therapist turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. She has helped me see through so much of the fog in my life, and to better understand not only myself, but how others see the world. I have worked on and changed so much about me for the better, including my outlook. I have a long way to go, but one of the big things we discussed, was that I am not “stuck.”

For so long I have considered leaving the business world and doing something else. After my first year, I almost left to be a firefighter, but didn’t because I knew I wouldn’t pass a physical (bad joints) and I wanted to be able to provide and figured I would find happiness. The other things I had considered were teaching and being a therapist (Family, occupational, Sports… any of those would do!), but I felt it was too late as I needed to support my family. What I didn’t think about was that I never had those strong feelings for this job in the first place. I never truly wanted this job, I was made to believe I did in my upbringing. Instead I wanted to help people. I wanted to do something to help those around me achieve. So with that, we decided that maybe I should go back to school.

Starting this fall, I will be taking a couple classes at a local Community College as I complete all the prerequisites to apply for a Masters in Psychology program.  Even if I decide not to go this route, its nice to know there are options. .

Please feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.