Testing My Patience

Today is just one of those days. I am sitting on my couch, tired, frustrated and exhausted. I am nearly in tears today. We all have those days, but I guess the true question is: how do we respond to those days.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened today. Nobody I know was hurt in any way. I didn’t lose my job or car. I have plenty of food on the table and in the fridge and my kids are happy and healthy. So why am I so upset? My guess, is that life is just tiring sometimes.

It is no secret I have a lot going on in my life. I am dealing with marriage problems (more on that at another time), I am super busy at work, I have a big vacation coming up, I am going back to school soon, and I have 2 kids under the age of 5. Life. Is. Crazy.

Today I came home from work, already in a bad mood. Work is crazy busy as my co-worker recently left the company, dumping all of his work on me. All of this right as we were undertaking a big change to our organization AND prepping for a big conference next week, in which I have to give a presentation. Outside of work there is a lot going on too, as personal problems aside, I am preparing to start school as well as get ready for a week long family vacation (which adds stress at work because I need to ensure all of my work is completed so I do not have to work while I am gone). So when I came home from work, I was just not ready to parent and adult.

To be honest, I lost my patience tonight. My kids tested me over and over, and I finally lost my patience. Its not their fault. They do not mean to press my buttons. But today it just happened. In reality, they were just being themselves: wild and crazy kids, acting their age (my daughter turns 5 in September and my son turns 3 at the end of July). But today wasn’t the day for that. They were eating dinner when I came home… well they were sitting at the table watching TV talking and playing, while not eating. I fought with them, I begged and pleaded… I even resorted to bribing them to eat. My daughter ultimately ate, but my son did not. He refused to eat very much, stating that he wasn’t hungry… but I know better. I know he is just trying to fight with me until I give in and give him something else. But I do not play that game. So tonight after he was in bed and he was crying for more food, I had to be firm with him. Is it too much for an almost 3 year old? Perhaps. But by no means was my son starving, and he did eat SOME food… just not a lot. He was just trying to get his way, and I just refuse to be the parent that lets their kids get away with everything.

Tonight I am just exhausted. I did not want to parent or adult, I just wanted to relax and meditate. Life has been particularly trying these last few months, but I am still focused on bettering myself and finding the positive. Some days are harder than others, but we are human, right? Tomorrow is a new day and I can focus on being better.

Share some of your stories or best practices when you are having a day that is trying your patience as well. Whether its the kids, your job, your significant other, or just life in general.

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Anxiety, Daily Life Stress and Moving Forward

About 12 years ago, was finishing up my summer school courses that were needed to graduate. During my finals week, I started at working at one of the best companies in the world. I had gone from a High School and College athlete, to a full time student and restaurant worker, to being a full time employee at a major company. I was scared, I was excited, I was happy and I was sad. Every emotion you could have I felt as I had no idea what to expect of the rest of my life.

For a year prior to this, I had started planning how I was going to propose to my girlfriend who I had been with for 4.5 years at this point. We started dating in High School and even did our first year of college as a long distance relationship. I was madly in love with this woman, and at the time, it was the only thing stable in my life I could count on, and I was about to kick it into gear by proposing to her.

I had planned to propose to her in December when we would be on vacation together. I had the ring and her Dad’s approval. I also now had a safe/secure job in the business world: I had everything I had ever “wanted,” right? It was at this time, I started to get sick. My stomach was always upset, my palms always seemed sweaty. I had these panic attacks and could not breath, I did not know what was going on with me. It was not until speaking with my doctor that I determined what was wrong: I was suffering from anxiety. I could write an entire blog post on Anxiety and what it is, but that has been done by countless others (feel free to contact me, and I will be happy to discuss if you like). It was at this time I went on Zoloft and from there planned to learn how to control my anxiety.

I stayed on Zoloft for a couple years but ultimately went off as I learned to cope and deal with the anxiety (not to mention my life was in a fairly good routine, so it was much easier to manage. That is until this last December when some other life changes happened (this is a future blog topic, but not one I am ready to discuss).

Over the last 12 years I have dealt with daily stressors of my job and my life. I have had marital spats, kids, job changes and even moved. I have been sick, and had some medical issues (one of which was an appendectomy) Last year we sold out house, moved in with my in-laws for a few months while searching for a house and then purchased a new house. Handling my stress was difficult. That was until December when things made another big change and created my journey back to Zoloft. Along with Zoloft, I have done many things to really keep my stress under control:

  1. Meditate (I use the Headspace app and it is amazing!)
  2. Yoga
  3. Going to the gym
  4. Going on  a walk
  5. Going on a bike ride
  6. Play with my kids
  7. Spending time with friends/family
  8. Therapy

I would normally add sex to this list as that has always been my best stress release, but right now (see some of the issues listed above including medical). But there is a reason I share all of this:

My journey to changing my career has been a very long one. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, I have gone done my current career path for a reason, but its time to change. Anxiety has been difficult but I am learning to deal with it better. Daily life stresses around my job, family and life are tough, but I am dealing with those too. If you want something, you have to go and get it. And right now, I want to make my life better for myself and those around me. I want to be happy and satisfied. Anxiety will always be there in one way or another, but I cannot hide from it, I have to push forward.

Leave a comment below if you have experienced Anxiety or what your favorite way to deal with stress is.

Please feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.