Raising Kids Right in Today’s World

I had another post planned for today, but it had to be bumped, because something is on my mind. I work up this morning to hear of yet ANOTHER school shooting, this time in Maryland, and luckily there do not seem to be any deaths. I then was checking my Facebook and a friend posted an article about a teen suicide, and what caused it. Needless to say, there is a lot of crazy things going on this this world and the more I think about it, raising kids today is so much different than when I was a kid and more so, when my parents were kids.

When I was young, we knew which house all of our friends were hanging out at because there was a pile of bikes on the front lawn. Today, kids can check their social media and instantly know who is where and what is going on. As I got older, I looked forward to learning to drive a car. By the time my kids are old enough to “drive,” chances are all cars will be self driving and it will be skill they do not have to learn. Obviously, there are thousands of examples of this, but the point is, technology is changing our lives.

The school shootings are crazy, because with social media, we are learning about these sooner and rumors spread just as quickly, which means of all the information we are gathering, not all of it is 100% accurate. With so many “Celebrities” that made their name on Facebook and Instagram, people see the idea of going viral and their shot at fame, by doing something through these mediums. Do not get me wrong, I have a Facebook and an Instagram and love the idea of Social Media and technology, but I think it can also be dangerous.

The danger can be seen in the article posted above, about a seemingly happy 16 year old, that felt constant pressure from everyone to succeed. With the likes of Social Media, people are sharing their accomplishments or making it seem they are doing something great (in an effort to get likes), which can make the rest of us feel depressed and left out: and this is an actual problem!! When I was in High School, I was actually suspended from school for changing grades in a teacher’s book. I was the TA for a teacher who was also my English teacher. I had a few friends that asked me to help them out with a few grades and I noticed quickly how easy it was and how perfect my system was. I actually started to change some of my grades as well… this worked till someone informed the teacher and my system crumbled. However, the reason for this was simply that I felt the pressure to do better. I was an all-star swimmer and was set to get into college on my talents alone. But because I was swimming so much, my grades slipped, and despite my swimming achievements, I felt like a failure to my parents and coaches and some of my friends who maintained 4.0+ GPA’s.

As I have stated in the title of this post as well as (more or less nonsensically) within the text of this article, the idea of how to raise our kids today has become very difficult. I have 2 kids who are 3 and 5, and the truth is, I don’t know what the future holds. Technology moves so fast, that what we see in cell phones and tables now, will be different in 10 years. How we commute in our vehicles will be different when our kids are of age. The days of warning kids simply about a stranger with candy are beyond us. Now we have to ALSO be cautious of people online, what we share, who can see our pages, and the hardest part: preparing our children for the unknown. We do not know where technology is headed and how our kids will use it. Teens now didn’t have parents who grew up on Instagram and Facebook, so they were not necessarily warned ahead of time of the dangers of viral posts and not believing everything you see. Parents now do not understand the pressures our children are facing, that differ from the pressures we faced. When I was growing up, schools were safe. I was in High School when Columbine happened and even then, it felt safe… we didn’t think this would be happening so much more often.

For our children, there is hope that we do something about guns (banning or becoming much stricter is ideal). And there is hope that us as parents can continue to stay in the know on the new trends and the dangers they pose to our children, whether we can see them or not. For me, the best way to raise our children is for them to be inclusive of others. To be nice and positive and to follow the golden rule. I want my children to feel comfortable coming to me with any issues or what they feel is a problem. As parents we can all do better and for us to move forward as a society, we have to.

This article is a bit all over the place as I had to get things off of my chest, but I would love to hear your thoughts below. What do you agree or disagree with me about? What are you doing to help raise your kids right?

For future posts, please subscribe to my blog and be sure to always share your thoughts with me, or share my posts with others. I love to hear from you all during my journey.

New Year, New Me and New Goals

Here we are on January 19th, and I am just getting around to my first post of the year. I am sure by now all the real bloggers have shared their New Year posts, listing out all of their goals and resolutions for the year. And just as I predicted in one of my very first blog posts, I have already fallen off the wagon a bit and have been slow to post. The truth is, things are going much better in my life and I have not felt the need to “release” as much. I have noticed that the happier I am, the less time I spend on my computer or phone, the less time I spend on Social Media and in turn, the less time I seem to have to write here. Not that unhappiness causes me to do any of those things, I just seem to… seem to… I dunno, just seem to be more content in the moment.

However, just because things are going well in my life, doesn’t mean I can just sit back and relax and let it ride. No, I still have SO MUCH WORK to do (on myself). And I am not one that likes to set New Years Resolutions, so I do not. What I DO like to do is examine my life and take a look at what has been working for me and what is not and then focus on improving myself in those areas.

I know that at the beginning of 2017, my marriage was on the rocks and by the end of the year things were going really well. I want to continue working with my fe to improve our communication and our relationship.

I do enjoy writing these blog posts sometimes, so I hope to write more. I am not going to set a limit of “X posts” per week, but instead hope to share my life and journey with you. I am reading a new book now I will share with you shortly, as well as another “letter to myself.” I hope to also provide updates of what I am learning in therapy and how my therapist is helping me be a better person.

With that, I plan to continue going to therapy and learning more about myself and doing what I can to improve myself as a person, a husband and a father.

Lastly, I want to continue my journey to a new career. I took a few prerequisite classes this last year to prepare for school, but I have decided to push starting school back one more year. I am not afraid and it is not that I am uncertain. On the contrary, as every day goes by I want that career more and more (I am leaning heavily towards a Sports Psychologist or Family Therapist), but timing is a fickle bitch. Over the holidays and this last week we discovered mold in our house (that our insurance will not cover) and I got into a car accident (I am fine) which will raise my insurance premiums. My wife and I are planning a trip to Costa Rica (our 10 year anniversary is this year and after our last year, we simply deserve it) and there is a lot of stuff we want/need to do to our house. SO by putting school off, we can make sure that not only are we more in a financially stable place, but it gives us a bit more time to work on our marriage and really strengthen it to where it belongs.

I am looking forward to 2018 and sharing my journey and hopefully inspiring you along the way. Please share some of your goals for 2018 and life moving forward, as I would love to hear them!

Please subscribe to my blog and follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Keeping Busy and Growing a Mustache

I know, I know, it has been a long time (again) since I last posted. I really am not good at this… haha… but hey, I warned you!

If you have actually been wondering where I have been, the truth is, life has just been busy. Work has been fairly busy as usual and the kids have also kept me busy. School has been a lot of fun but it has also been quite busy. I am holding around 100% in BOTH of my classes and actually have a final in my Personality Psych class this week. Because of the finals and classes, lots of studying is being done as well.

Outside of work, school and my kids, I truly do not have a legitimate excuse for not updating this, other than a touch of writers block, a touch of laziness and a whole lot of mustache growing. Yes, you read that correct, I am working on my MOVEMBER Mustache.

My family is not blessed with facial hair growing genes, so unfortunately, my mustache is sort of ‘pervy’ looking, but it draws attention and I guess that is the whole point of Movember. if you are not familiar with Movember, for the month of November, Men grow their mustaches to help raise awareness for Men’s Health issues such as Prostate and Testicular cancer. I myself lost an uncle to Prostate cancer a few years back and continue to fight on his behalf.

I normally do not like to go around and ask for money, however this cause is VERY dear to my heart and I would not be growing this ridiculous looking mustache if I truly did not believe.

I am not asking for much, I would honestly be happy if all you were able to donate was $5. Every little bit helps and I want to stand up and fight for all the men in our lives.

Please feel free to share your stories below or share my link with anyone you know.

Finding Time to Enjoy Life

Two weeks ago (in my last post), I explained my absence from blogging, citing life had been busy and I also had no idea what to write about. Well not much has changed since then. Life is still extremely busy, and finding things to write about is hard for me… so I figured I may as well just update all of you with what it is I have been doing with my time.

My time has been very limited lately, as I work full time for a software/tech company, I am a dad to two amazing children, I am a devoted husband and I am now also a part time student. This does not leave a lot of room for anything else. Although while I do not have much extra time on my hands, I have been very focused on enjoying that time. Far too often in my life I have spent my extra time doing any number of things, but often I would spend it doing yard work or just laying around, napping and watching TV/ And while napping and watching TV are VERY needed at times, I am trying to spend more time doing things that make me happy. I now pay someone to do most of my yard work, which frees up a lot of time (although I still enjoy doing some of it). I also try to get my gym works outs in before work while everyone in my house is still asleep. Why waste time when everyone else is awake when I could be spending time with them?

Time management has become extremely crucial to me these days. Whether it is going to the gym early in the morning or studying for a test after everyone has gone to sleep, everything I am doing these days is all about maximizing my time, building relationships and enjoying my time with those I love. My wife and I had gone through a bit of a rough patch recently, and we have been working very hard lately to mend fences and improve our relationship. I have also been working on my relationship with my kids. It was a strong relationship before, but I am trying to be as cognizant as possible about what I say and do around them, as I know everything can affect their lives in one way or another. But above all else, I am just trying to enjoy all of my spare time as much as I can. Games with my kids, a good TV show now and then, and a good date night with my wife every couple of weeks at a minimum (last week we went and saw “IT” in the theaters. I am not normally into those types of movies, but it was a fun movie, and definitely super creepy).

Life is flying by and its a waste to spend it doing things that do not make you happy. My wife makes me happy. My kids make me happy. Doing things I enjoy make me happy… so I have spent my time with them, doing the things that make us happy.

What makes you happy? What sorts of things do you enjoy doing? Share your thoughts or comments below!

Please subscribe to my blog and follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Busy Life and Writer’s Block

Some of you may be wondering where I have been lately. Others perhaps think I have finally caught up with myself and the blog train is ending. Well, I have enjoyed blogging up till now and I want to continue, but to be honest: it’s hard. Between work, school, parenting and being a (probably the world’s best) husband, I find myself with less and less time. On top of that… I have no idea what to write about.

I am currently finishing up another book that I hope to write about. I could write about school, but I am not too sure that anyone would care all that much or find it helpful for themselves…. But I am sure something will come to me.

The last couple of weekends were the first time in a LONG time, I was able to go and do some stuff for our house. We went to IKEA and bought my son a new bed… as well as about $400 worth of other stuff too. We also organized the house a bit, helps some family move, and enjoyed a little (very little) relaxation time as well (oh and I took a Personality Psych Mid Term… it went fairly well, I knew my stuff I thought, but ran out of time on the last question as I spent a little too much time on the multiple choice… but you live and learn).

Well for now, I think that may be all I have… I know, I know, a little boring, not very helpful and possibly pointless, haha. But please share with me some topics you feel would be great to blog about. What do you want to hear from me??

Lastly, if you have not done so already, pease subscribe to my blog and follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Taking My Daughter to School

This post will not be long, but it is something I wanted to share/brag about:

Today I dropped my daughter off at school. it was not big, there was no special occasion. But because of the hours of her school and the time I go to work, my wife usually just drops her off. However today I needed to drop her off, and for whatever reason it was fun. She was excited to she me her classroom and have me drop her off. She didnt cry, but she was sure to give me a hug, kiss and high five (her trifecta of good-byes) before I left. I even snuck in a little “I Love you” in sign language which she happily returned.

My kids are amazing, and for such a “small” thing to do, it brought me a lot of joy and happiness. Sometimes you have to really enjoy the small things in life to truly enjoy life as a whole.

Learning About Myself with 23andMe

Like many people, I have always had an interest in where I came from and what my ancestry was like. Growing up I knew some of the basics, such as that my entire Dad’s side of the family was Jewish and from Eastern Europe and that my Mom’s family was a mix of English and Norwegian. However I also knew that there was quite a bit else that was mixed in. When I got to college, I felt myself pulling away from the religious aspect of my Jewish heritage, and that didn’t leave me much left to identify with. My girlfriend (now wife) is 100% Portuguese, as she is actually a First generation. My best friend is Middle Easter as he was actually born in Iran. Me? I was born in Tucson Arizona, to parents born in the US, who were born to parents born in the US to parents who may or may not have been born here… we simply did not have good records of it.

With such great technology and advancements in DNA research, there are now a lot of great options for learning more about your ancestry and where you come from. So I decided to look into a few options and learn more about myself. I decided on 23andMe as I like the information they were providing and what they were looking to build with their own findings. In hindsight, Ancestry.com DNA may have been a better option as I have heard it is slightly more accurate, and I also have a lot of family that did it, and they will link you together. Either way, I wanted to share my experience with you and the whole process.

When I signed up for 23andMe, it was quite simple. I chose to pay a little extra and get the Health and Ancestry service, to not only know about my ancestors, but to also see if I have any genetic markers for things such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, etc. When my package arrived, the instructions were very simple to follow: essentially you spit in a tube and put it int he mail (that’s in a nutshell, as there are a few other steps). Once that is complete I also set up my online profile which consists of many optional surveys to provide the 23andMe company with information they can use to help enhance their database and provide more accurate findings of yourself. The questions are simple in regards to race and gender, to more interesting questions such as sleep patterns, anxiety and other health related items. Again, this is all used to help build profiles based on DNA submitted in hopes of learning more about what our DNA does and to better identify people through these means.

Once everything is sent in, the process takes about 6-8 weeks before you get your results. Once those results come in, you get an email that links you to all the reports they provide on you. I received my results last week and I could not wait to dive in. The reports were a very cool mixture of ancestry markers, health screenings as well as other markers (many of which I know already and of those, some they got right and some they got wrong). For me, the first thing I looked at was the Health markers. I am a bit of a hypochondriac so I had to make sure right away that I was ok. And thankfully, there was nothing that showed I would be at a higher risk for anything they would test for. After that, I had to dive into my ancestry.

Unsurprisingly, I was shown to be 99.9% European, with less than .1% being a mixture of East Asian and Yakut. of my European Ancestry, I was shown to be 47.3% Ashkenazi Jewish, which makes sense since I know my Jewish family came from Germany, Poland and Austria. The biggest category on my list however was Northwestern European, at 50.5%. This was a mixture of British and Irish (21.6%), Scandinavian (9.5%), French and German (7.7%), Finnish (<0.1%) and what was categorized as ‘Broadly Northwestern European’ (11.6% – which is likely my Norwegian heritage I know of). To me this was all very fascinating and gave me a better sense of belonging! Another cool part of this, is of all other users who use 23andMe, it shows me those who are related to me. Only one name I recognized (1st cousin once removed), but it found 1,233 DNA Relatives. It also was able to determine how many markers I have in common with Neanderthal Ancestry, which was surprisingly higher at 281 markers, which is more than 54% of all 23andMe users, and 1st among relatives I am connected to.

Beyond the Health and the Ancestry, 23andMe also provides a list of other features as well. Features they determine based on the surveys I answered as well as what other people have answered as well. They are not meant to be a diagnosis or even be accurate. But to tell you things that are likely to be true. From this information they did get a few things right: I am likely to not have red hair (I do not), I am likely to be average or below average weight (I am below average), likely to have darker eyes (this one is close, but mine are hazel, so I will confirm this) and likely to have straight hair (mine could not be any straighter).

However, for all the items this predicted accurately, I felt there were far more discrepancies that were not accurate. Again, this is based on people similar to me with my genetic makeup and is not meant to be 100% accurate. But my concern was with just how much they got wrong (makes me think what else is not accurate). According to this report I am unlikely to have dimples (I do), a widows peak (I have that too) and I am likely to have detached earlobes (sorry, wrong again).

Aside from these items, I found it all very interesting. The ancestry part felt very accurate to me, and that was ultimately what I was looking for. I am sure over time some of my other reports may change as more people provide information and the database for 23andMe grows. Until then, I will be satisfied with what I found.

Have any of you ever tried 23andMe, or perhaps another service such as Ancestry.com? I would love to hear about your experience! Please share your experience below or please let me know if you have any questions and I would be happy to share more!

Please subscribe to my blog and follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.

Off to Portugal!

I write this blog post full of excitement, as tomorrow morning, my family an I are off to the Azores Islands! This is especially fun for me, as I have never been out of the country!

My Father-In-Law turned 70 this year so he is flying the whole family (him and his wife, my wife, kids and myself, My wife’s sister and her husband and 2 kids as well as my wife’s brother) out to his home island for a week of fun and celebration. Even my parents will be stopping over for a few days as my Dad celebrates his retirement!

I have been practicing and teaching myself Portuguese the last couple years (I am usually awful with foreign language) and I am very much looking forward to seeing how much I really know. Also, I have school starting in mid-August as well, so this will be a good final R&R before school begins… life is about to get really crazy and hectic I think…

I do plan to schedule a blog post to be posted while I am gone, but other than that, you can follow me on Instagram and check out some of the pictures I will (hopefully) be posting while I am there!

If you have ever been to the Azores (specifically Faial or Pico) please share some of your favorite things to do there. Otherwise, what do you like to do when traveling?

Phil Dunphy is My Hero

If you are not watching ‘Modern Family’ every week, you are missing out on one of televisions greatest treasures. This Emmy award winning show will make you laugh, it will make you cry and… well it probably wont make you cry but it will make you laugh. This comedy follows an extended family as they navigate life in their own way. Phil is married to Claire and together they have 3 children. Claire has a gay brother named Mitch,and him and his partner Cam (who in their own right nearly steal the show from Phil) have an adopted daughter. Mitch and Claire’s Dad, Jay, is married to a young bombshell named Gloria (who had her own kid from a previous marriage. There is always a lot going on in this show, but to me, the greatest part is Phil himself.

Phil is a family man. He is funny, charming and witty (although he rarely succeeds when he tries). He reminds us constantly that he was a cheerleader in college and that he is an expert magician. He loves to bounce on the trampoline, dance and have fun. But most of all, Phil loves his family.

I have had conversations with friends and family on many occasions about how much I love Phil. What is funny is that everyone always says the same thing: I am just like him. Now, knowing better, I know they are making a joke, because Phil is an utter goofball and a nerd. He often finds himself at the butt of people’s jokes and in general is just a silly, fun loving guy. But when people compare me to him, I take it as a compliment.

Phil might be a bit of a doof, and may get picked on from time to time, but he has a heart of gold. Phil loves his wife and kids more than anything, and they come first in his life. Phil not only loves his job, but he loves his life and loves to have fun. All 3 of his kids are very different but he finds ways to bond with each one and to help lead them. Each kid is not punished or celebrated the same as each is unique, and he treats them as such. Phil doesn’t particularly care what others think, aside from his Father-in-law, who he is constantly trying to impress, so that he feels good enough to be the husband, to his father-in-laws little girl (I know the feeling). And at that, for being such a nerdy guy, Phil landed a smokin hot, down to Earth wife, who not only puts up with him, but cherishes him and truly loves him too. Who wouldn’t want that.

Over time, television has brought us many great TV Moms and Dads. Those we love, those we hate, and those that much us smile and laugh. To me, Phil is the penultimate father figure. Phil Dunphy is my hero 🙂 !!

Please feel free to share who your favorite TV Mom or Dad is or who you see a little of yourself in.

Please feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.Not a go

Testing My Patience

Today is just one of those days. I am sitting on my couch, tired, frustrated and exhausted. I am nearly in tears today. We all have those days, but I guess the true question is: how do we respond to those days.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened today. Nobody I know was hurt in any way. I didn’t lose my job or car. I have plenty of food on the table and in the fridge and my kids are happy and healthy. So why am I so upset? My guess, is that life is just tiring sometimes.

It is no secret I have a lot going on in my life. I am dealing with marriage problems (more on that at another time), I am super busy at work, I have a big vacation coming up, I am going back to school soon, and I have 2 kids under the age of 5. Life. Is. Crazy.

Today I came home from work, already in a bad mood. Work is crazy busy as my co-worker recently left the company, dumping all of his work on me. All of this right as we were undertaking a big change to our organization AND prepping for a big conference next week, in which I have to give a presentation. Outside of work there is a lot going on too, as personal problems aside, I am preparing to start school as well as get ready for a week long family vacation (which adds stress at work because I need to ensure all of my work is completed so I do not have to work while I am gone). So when I came home from work, I was just not ready to parent and adult.

To be honest, I lost my patience tonight. My kids tested me over and over, and I finally lost my patience. Its not their fault. They do not mean to press my buttons. But today it just happened. In reality, they were just being themselves: wild and crazy kids, acting their age (my daughter turns 5 in September and my son turns 3 at the end of July). But today wasn’t the day for that. They were eating dinner when I came home… well they were sitting at the table watching TV talking and playing, while not eating. I fought with them, I begged and pleaded… I even resorted to bribing them to eat. My daughter ultimately ate, but my son did not. He refused to eat very much, stating that he wasn’t hungry… but I know better. I know he is just trying to fight with me until I give in and give him something else. But I do not play that game. So tonight after he was in bed and he was crying for more food, I had to be firm with him. Is it too much for an almost 3 year old? Perhaps. But by no means was my son starving, and he did eat SOME food… just not a lot. He was just trying to get his way, and I just refuse to be the parent that lets their kids get away with everything.

Tonight I am just exhausted. I did not want to parent or adult, I just wanted to relax and meditate. Life has been particularly trying these last few months, but I am still focused on bettering myself and finding the positive. Some days are harder than others, but we are human, right? Tomorrow is a new day and I can focus on being better.

Share some of your stories or best practices when you are having a day that is trying your patience as well. Whether its the kids, your job, your significant other, or just life in general.

Please feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me on Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.