Self Improvement: I Don’t Always Have to Be Right

I have always hated to lose. I have always been super competitive and because of that, I dislike losing. I am sure that comes with the territory, and lets be honest, nobody ENJOYS losing. But because of this, I seem to always take it to another level. I am an extremely argumentative person and have always battled this constant feeling of HAVING to be right. Even when I know I am wrong, I will keep up my argument just to win.

As you can imagine, this type of behavior has caused caused a lot of strain in various relationships, whether with friends, family or my wife. I will often make a mountain of a molehill, simply because I have to have my way or “win” the argument. As an example of how ridiculous I can be, a few years back, my wife and I were listening to a song and as we both sang along, we sang a particular lyric different. I was adamant I was right (even if mine made less sense) and she argued she was right. To end it, she pulled the lyrics up online to prove to me I was wrong. And then, with seeing the correct lyrics in front of me, the only thing I could say was “well these must be wrong too.” How ridiculous is that?! For years after I would still hold this up. And even though we BOTH knew I was wrong and knew it, I was smile and never admit the true lyrics.

It is stuff like this that can make me a difficult person to be around. I can be a contrarian and argumentative over just about anything, only because I want to be heard and I want to be right. I am sure a lot of this is just my competitive nature, but I am sure a lot has to do with my upbringing and how we went about arguing and discussing things.. not to mention when people gloat when they are right, they make you feel like shit for losing, so you just never admit defeat.

This last year, as we were under a great deal of stress (sold our house, moved in with our in-laws, bought a house, moved in and I started a new job), I could sense I was worse than ever before. As discussed in Relinquishing Control, I had to control everything and argue anything that was not going my way. I am sure a lot of my argumentative nature stems from having to have control of situations (or vice versa), but it is truly not a trait that is fun to be around. In December of last year, I started seeing a Therapist, and one of these reasons for that, was this very thing. I had to control situations, I was angry (perhaps a future blog post…), and I had to argue with everyone about everything. Part of this was the stress that was going on, part of it was my relationship, and part of this had to just do with feeling stuck doing work I did not fully enjoy. Regardless, my actions were not fair to those around me.

Identifying that I have this issue has been the biggest hurdle for me, because it wasn’t so much as identifying it, as it was admitting it. Admitting this is a problem feels like a loss to me, and as you now know, I dont like to lose. But its a daily battle. To work on this I am trying a lot of things. I am trying to listen more and understand the issues. I try to listen all the way through before speaking and I ask myself if what I am saying is warranted. I am admitting I am wrong when I can instead of holding it up. Aside from being an ass to be around when I cannot admit wrong doing, I want my children to learn that it is ok to be wrong and that good can come from it. For me, it is a constant struggle to remind myself to breath and not let every little thing bother me, and to not have to be right.

If you struggle with this, please share your thoughts and comments below on what works best for you, I would love to hear from you!

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Testing My Patience

Today is just one of those days. I am sitting on my couch, tired, frustrated and exhausted. I am nearly in tears today. We all have those days, but I guess the true question is: how do we respond to those days.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened today. Nobody I know was hurt in any way. I didn’t lose my job or car. I have plenty of food on the table and in the fridge and my kids are happy and healthy. So why am I so upset? My guess, is that life is just tiring sometimes.

It is no secret I have a lot going on in my life. I am dealing with marriage problems (more on that at another time), I am super busy at work, I have a big vacation coming up, I am going back to school soon, and I have 2 kids under the age of 5. Life. Is. Crazy.

Today I came home from work, already in a bad mood. Work is crazy busy as my co-worker recently left the company, dumping all of his work on me. All of this right as we were undertaking a big change to our organization AND prepping for a big conference next week, in which I have to give a presentation. Outside of work there is a lot going on too, as personal problems aside, I am preparing to start school as well as get ready for a week long family vacation (which adds stress at work because I need to ensure all of my work is completed so I do not have to work while I am gone). So when I came home from work, I was just not ready to parent and adult.

To be honest, I lost my patience tonight. My kids tested me over and over, and I finally lost my patience. Its not their fault. They do not mean to press my buttons. But today it just happened. In reality, they were just being themselves: wild and crazy kids, acting their age (my daughter turns 5 in September and my son turns 3 at the end of July). But today wasn’t the day for that. They were eating dinner when I came home… well they were sitting at the table watching TV talking and playing, while not eating. I fought with them, I begged and pleaded… I even resorted to bribing them to eat. My daughter ultimately ate, but my son did not. He refused to eat very much, stating that he wasn’t hungry… but I know better. I know he is just trying to fight with me until I give in and give him something else. But I do not play that game. So tonight after he was in bed and he was crying for more food, I had to be firm with him. Is it too much for an almost 3 year old? Perhaps. But by no means was my son starving, and he did eat SOME food… just not a lot. He was just trying to get his way, and I just refuse to be the parent that lets their kids get away with everything.

Tonight I am just exhausted. I did not want to parent or adult, I just wanted to relax and meditate. Life has been particularly trying these last few months, but I am still focused on bettering myself and finding the positive. Some days are harder than others, but we are human, right? Tomorrow is a new day and I can focus on being better.

Share some of your stories or best practices when you are having a day that is trying your patience as well. Whether its the kids, your job, your significant other, or just life in general.

Please feel free to subscribe to my blog or follow me onĀ Instagram. I hope to chronicle my journey in school and connect with like minded people. People who want to learn and grow and help others along the way.